hontobakabaka | To Bowl like a Man

[Oh hey that feels kind of good...]

It's not your fault. And as frustrating as it has been, I am not certain that the bad outweighs the good.

[She closes her eyes and takes a breath, still using him as a pillow]

Oh?

[He blushes a little and would be flailing, but he doesn't want to disturb her or ruin the moment]

Yes. I have always been alone until I was summoned here. I was raised by my creator, true... but she never permitted me to play with the children in the village near our homestead. I never had friends... and I never had a true mother or father.

I can understand that. They kept the children that were born in the institute separate till... Well, they broke or were sold, then there was the time at Nergal being synced up and acclimated to Omoikane...

Though there was that year I got to live as a normal girl, but that went away before I came here...

[Nods]

So... it's not completely terrible.

[She nods a little]

I guess not...

[Grunts]

Still doesn't mean I like these random spells they cast on us, but I suppose this is what Mother meant when she told me to see the good in things. I never understood that until now.

No, that makes a lot of sense. Too often I just see the things, neither good nor bad. I've spent too much time just analyzing things.

Really? Huh... that is probably better than how I did. If it had not been for father, I simply would have blindly hated everything around me. I still did, when I first came here.

See, I was raised to just be part of a machine. To be above emotions and people. I didn't learn hate till I was 12. Still... May I ask why you hated everything?

[She sits up and peers at him]

[Normally such scrutiny would have made him uncomfortable, but she was the first real friend he really had]

Mother... I mean, my creator... she made me and raised me alone. She never permitted me to play with the children in the village because she told me that they would hate me and call me a monster. But she said I was better than humans, with gifts they could only dream of, and that only I was truly fit to become the next king.

But... I would rather be normal, to have been born from mother as a true human would have been. I thought Mother hated me because of how I was born, but even though it was not true, I still wish to have been her real son.

[She frowns a bit and gives him a hug]

I'm sorry Mordred. I really do believe that Miss Saber cares for you a great deal, and you're a very special friend to me. I think its best to just have learned from that and be happy being you. You can't change your birth and even if you could, you've learned to move past that. So many things may have changed from that.

[He's a little surprised, but not in a bad way]

I can't help but wish, but... if I had to choose, I would choose this. I've been granted what I truly wished for... Mother's love, friends, a true home, a chance to prove myself as a knight. I think that is why I accept it now.

[Smiles]

You've been part of that, Ruri.

I'm glad I could help you Mordred, you really are too nice of a person to be bogged down with that bitterness.

[Blushing and scratching the side of his cheek]

Eh... I've never been called that before.

Oh? Well its true.

[She nods]

[Sighs]

I'm not certain... Mother told me that in the future, we would kill each other. I cannot imagine that happening now, but... I have the capacity for great evil.

Humanity has the capacity for great evil in general. I've seen some of the worst in people and some of the best, and it is surprising just how good and bad that is.

It had seemed there was too much bad and not enough good. The knights of the Round Table were certainly good, but many people were ungrateful.

[Frowns, he's still bitter about that]

And then there is me... if I were to be sent home suddenly, would I return only to kill Mother?

I can't answer that question for you. All I can say is that people are idiots, but being stupid isn't the same as being bad. I knew a lot of good dumb people, and go home or not. While you're here you are my friend, and I believe you are better than that.

[He'd never really seen it that way before]

I had never taken particular notice of intelligence... True, I was born with all the knowledge of Gaia, but what I hated about people was their greed and selfishness and cruelty. Even the poor and downtrodden can be greedy and cruel.

... I cannot even imagine it, but as angry as I was, I had not harboured such thoughts, either. I... cannot help but love my creator, but I'm afraid of what she would turn me into should I return.

Greed is a base level fault. Its not something that is so much taught but learned. One has to learn how not to be greedy, its one of the faults in the human condition. Realizing this can help you better understand people and if they don't want to learn to get past it... That's just how they choose to be an idiot.

I hated humans for a long time because it seemed that they could never rise above their baser instincts.

[Pause, and it's a blow to his pride to admit this]

Well... that isn't completely true. I hated them for how I thought they would treat me. It's easier to be kind to those who are kind to me first. I dislike those who are not.

Its only human to want to be with people who treat you well. Honestly though, I've known jerks that weren't nice and it was just easier to ignore them, dislike takes a certain emotional connection.

I wish I had Mother's ability to control her emotions... I can't help not feeling something with any person. I try to avoid those I dislike, but I cannot seem to ignore them.

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